****** - Verified Buyer
4.5
As a woman getting out of a divorce, all roads lead to "The Breakup Bible" as a leading resource for women to navigate the end of a relationship. As a queer woman leaving a same-sex relationship, what lead me to buying this was the description that it covered multiple sexual orientations (painfully rare in the topic area).I found myself slogging through the book, with limited returns and increasing frustration after about two or three chapters. As other reviewers have said, this book may be beneficial for readers who have little concept of self care or attachment theory. However, if you are familiar with those concepts, there is little to add. My thoughts:Pros:- Good gamut of ages; it's nice to see something written for women older than their 20s (including up to in their 70s!)- Good recap of main points at the end of chapters. Good to print out and keep nearby for reminders.- Covers childless divorce/breakups- Good basic self care reminders- Compassionate (if limited) advice and examples for victims of abuseCons:- Heteronormative in the extreme: Despite the description, there was only about two mentions of lesbian or gay relationships (nevermind bi or trans) as examples. The language throughout the book is almost exclusively gendered, and the author assumes in every sentence that the reader's partner is a man. I understand that there's not a lot out there for us queer folks when it comes to relationship books, and that many concepts that apply to straight relationships still apply to queer relationships, but even the use of gender-neutral language would have been appreciated. The entire book assumes that the reader is in a relationship with a man, which leads me to my next point...-Stereotypes: The author relies on dated stereotypes of men and women in the book, and assumes the reader agrees. The female reader is assumed to be femme presenting, interested in typical female pursuits (fashion, makeup, etc), desiring children, an innate caregiver, lower sex drive, etc. The male archtypes mentioned in the book as examples are breadwinners, high sex drive, bad listeners, demonstrate toxic masculinity, etc. The whole book takes the 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' cultural worldview and seems to state 'this is how men and women are and that's the norm'. By the middle of the book, the author seems to stop trying to balance this view, and the lists of things to look out for/seek out in men borderline read like a bad article from a 1960's homemaker magazine.-Privilege: The author is clearly a middle aged white woman (and I'm saying that as a middle aged white woman). Every one of her advice lists or chapters includes 'self-help' ideas that spending money and buying things (a whole chapter section on makeovers!). I can understand and agree with the benefits of treating yourself to things you like, enjoy, or that empower you. But this takes it rather far, coming across like a tacky Instagram influencer post saying that if you just treat yourself to a makeover, buy some scented candles, and buy some new lipstick, you will move on better. As a rather tomboyish lesbian asking deep questions about what I want out of relationships and what didn't work in my last one, this advice landed as rather tone deaf.
